To Be or Not To Be
I’ll just give you a quick recap from last time. GG and I moved into a new apartment, and I had met someone that she approved of. All was good. GG and I were good. The dating I was doing was exclusive, and progressing at a good pace. I’ll just call her K, for the sake of the blog. K worked in the military full-time, and was in the process of buying a house when we met. She was also taking care of her two, very young, sisters. We all got along well, the girls loved to play with GG, and I was happy. There is always a storm brewing somewhere, so let me sweep you up in mine.
I hadn’t been with kids in a very long time. My daughter was grown, and it was enough to pick up after GG. My heart was heavy when K and I talked about moving in together. The reason was, at this point in my life, with commuting and work, did I really want to raise two little girls? It was hard not to seem cruel, especially knowing the situation that they were in. I had to be honest, with not only myself, but with K: I just couldn’t do kids. I’m not going to go any further about that situation, but it’s not as cut and dry as you might think. Anyway, once the situation was settled with the girls, and GG and I moved in, another storm started to brew. This time it was how dating and living together are to different animals.
When you date, you put out the best in you, which is sometimes somewhat fake. It happens to all of us. We start being attentive, hanging onto every word the person has to say. You take the time to dress in your nicest clothes. You say and do, not what you want, but what you think that person wants to hear. This is why some relationships don’t last; you get tired. Faking is hard work, and getting to know someone is harder work. I think that, if we are honest, we all have done it at least once. K and I were no different. We went all-in emotionally. The problems were finding that common ground for balance. I was used to thinking about no one but myself and GG, and she was used to thinking about herself and her sisters. I did certain things for GG, and those things I refuse to budge on. I didn’t give up my apartment, just in case this didn’t work out. I let the lease run out. GG and I were moving into someone else’s home, and if things didn’t work out, we’d be on the street looking crazy. No, I wasn’t taking any chances, especially since we both stopped faking it and were now showing our real selves. There was no more getting dressed up, just to sit around the house. We had to learn, and one thing I can say is that we were in it to win it, because we didn’t get give up. There were times we’d come close, but never pulled the trigger on our relationship. We were raw and open. The only thing I felt guilty about was leaving GG alone so often. K and I went out on the weekends, leaving GG alone, and I felt guilty.
I would broach the subject of getting her company, but K always shot it down. She wasn’t really a dog person, and GG was enough for her. Don’t get me wrong, she was good with GG, and would walk her and make sure she had food, but she was not a “GG is my daughter” type of person, rather she had a “GG is a dog, and should be treated as such” approach. I ignored that, because I know it takes time and patience to change people. The guilt of looking at GG’s sad eyes when we went out was heartbreaking. K and I had been together for over 2 years, and again, things were good. Finally, one day I suggested that we just go look at dogs at The Puppy Barn. I was shocked when K said, “Okay.” I mean, I was ecstatic, because any other time she’d say, “No!” and I’d leave it alone. A relationship takes compromise. That’s why I left it alone, because she contributed a lot for Gg’s up keep and even played with her at times. I know that all of you pet people know the up-keep is expensive, and K never complained. The next blog will be about my good life going to hell. Have a safe week.