You’ve come a long way since you found yourself in a relationship with a cheater. You’ve learned to love yourself and put the cheater in the past. You’ve fought a battle between your heart and mind. You’ve taken your time to understand what went wrong at least as far as you’re concerned. You’ve had your alone time to cry, scream and blame. You’ve taken your head out of the shell to see what’s ahead. You’ve started dating. You’ve taken it slowly to learn about someone. You’ve given yourself the time to process what you want in the future. You’ve listened to your brain as much as your heart. You’re ready for love.
Love is a process, and there are no shortcuts that will lead to a lasting relationship. I believe this is even true with relationships where it’s love at first sight. You have to take one day at a time to let a relationship grow. The thought most people don’t get is a relationship should never stop growing. When you’ve been hurt, it’s only natural to be extra cautious in your feelings. You can’t let those cautious feelings make you so removed from what your heart feels that it effects your relationship. It’s not that what your heart feels is wrong. It’s that your heart can cloud the truth. The only way to get through the cloud is with time. Everyday has to be an awakening to your relationship. You have to both communicate daily and truthfully. It will become a problem if one person holds anything back. There will always be a very, very small thought in the back of your mind that will question things about your new person. You ask questions and keep asking until that small thought is something you can live with comfortably. You need to talk to that person about what happened so it is understood why you are taking it slowly or asking questions over and over again.
You’ve found love again, and that in itself is awesome. Some people never rebound from being cheated on. They stay closed off emotionally, so to find love again is awesome. Be happy, and enjoy it. Just don’t ignore the warning signs because there will be signs. You struggled to understand what you want so don’t short yourself. Remember you should never look for someone to make you happy. What you want is someone to enhance the happiness you’ve found for yourself.
The person that you’ve now entrusted with your heart and mind must be open about their past too. I know some people when they start a new serious relationship aren’t interested in the past because they feel the past has no baring on the future. The past is just that, the past. I feel you should talk about the past because you can learn about that person from how the past was dealt with. I mean I want to know how, what and why. When you are being told about their past, listen to your mind and ask questions. Don’t ignore the signs. You can learn a lot about a person just by listening. The best part of communication is listening to what another person is saying and asking questions. This is not for a person you are just casually dating. This is for that person you feel will be in for the long haul. I cannot say it enough. Take your time. This is not a race to the altar. Love is compromises, but the compromises have to be good for both of you. It should never be that when you compromise, you give up more than you really want. That would not be good. Remember, if a relationship is superficial, like a plant without water, it will die. It might die slowly, but it will die. You have to always be true to yourself. I wish you well in your new relationship.
Breaking Up: A Heart and Mind Struggle
Dating After Cheating
Sex and Money: Vulnerable Conversations
Breaking Out After The Breakup
Surviving The Art of Cheating