Online Learning A Good Judge for College

Online learning isn’t easy and it’s not for everybody, but since we are being thrust into online learning, it is a good opportunity to see how your young person would do in college. I’m not talking about the actual classes because most classes are in a classroom, but how your kid goes about his/her college experience. When you go to college, there’s independence and what goes with that is self-motivation. If, during this time of forced online learning, you have to get your kid, or they’re playing video games, then what do you think will happen when you can’t barge into their room to remind them that this is school time? What about the kid that’s sneaking playing video games with their phone under the table? Is he/she going to be motivated to put that controller down when you’re nowhere around? Do you find yourself going into his/her room and finding your kid staring off into space, not looking at the computer screen? Do you think that won’t happen in college? And don’t sleep on the kid staying in the bathroom, probably using his/her phone. Kids are creative and very few are excited about school, even when college is on the line.
Parents don’t look at this in such a negative way because this may be your first look into how motivated your kid will be on his/her own. I am writing this blog because my grandson is in the 11th grade. I asked my daughter this morning how he was doing. She said that he has to be pushed; he’s a daydreamer. So, I said to her, “This is a good judge of how he will do in college.” Though he’s not going to college next year, she can now try to do something about his bad habits. We are not rich and can’t afford to send him to school to play video games or daydream through college or to pay anyone at a college to falsify his academics. He wants to be a chef, so I’m like, “Give him some recipes and let him cook!” Parents: You have to be proactive in this lockdown learning environment. Kids look at college as a way to get away from the rules and parental interference, but the actual work and focus can be a different thought. You have to go back to your 11th and 12th year in school and how you felt about school to relate to a kid today.
I personally want to see my grandson go to a trade school because his grades won’t get him a scholarship. I only can see him going to community college and letting him see if college is really for him. My daughter could just ignore the signs she sees now and go into debt to see the writing on the wall. Don’t ignore this chance to see what your kid will be like in college, if you can take this time to duplicate the college learning experience as much as you can. This opportunity may not (we hope) come around again. If you are like my daughter, start trying to emphasize the importance of college now. Let your kid know college is x amount of dollars and after bills I have x left. Let your kid know college is not party time 7 days a week. The good thing is that my family has one more year to reach him, but from what I see now, a trade school is his best bet to make a decent living in this work. I hope this blog will help some parents realize that this situation of online school is not a bad thing at all.

Reach Out to The Thrown Away People

Reach Out To Someone

We are living in a time where unconditional love is needed. This is not the time to judge or hold animosity towards anyone. This virus has no boundaries of who it touches or why it touches that person. We all have someone in our family that we have mentally thrown away for whatever reason. The reason is not important right now. This should be a time for families and friends to come together to build a foundation that will help each of us to get through this fight. This is a fight of our lives that is happening, and it is evident by the numbers we see each day of the deaths that have taken place in such a short period of time. It’s time to reach out to that thrown away person and bring them back into the fold of family and love. Where is that person right now, do you know? I know it’s easy to dismiss that drug addict, prostitute, runaway, and anyone that doesn’t live up to the standards that society puts upon us. The throw away person might have hurt you or gave you lot of unfulfilled promises, but this is not the time to mentally pretend that person doesn’t exist. We are all worried when we hear of a family member or friend that has tested positive, but what about the family member that we don’t hear about? Will that person’s death not mean anything? Is it too hard to open your heart to that throw away and reach out to them? This virus doesn’t care about who you are or what you did, it only wants to ravish your body and kill. How can the person sleeping in an alley fight it, or what about the prostitute who sleeps with so many people? Anyone of them can carry it? These people need love and someone to care about them. They need not to be judged, but shown unconditional love. This is a time to open that mind that has been closed to that person and reach out to them. There is no such thing as “I’m tired of trying” because this virus isn’t tired of killing. You must make an effort to find and throw your arms around that person and let him/her know you got them, they aren’t alone. Nobody wants to die alone, and we see that with this virus. People are dying alone. Don’t let your thrown away person die alone. If you don’t want them in your house, then take them by the hand and lead them to get help or to any place that he/she will be safe. There are so many thrown away people out there and, normally, each of us just holds our packages a little closer to our body and walk a little quicker to distance ourselves from their presence. This is a time we should walk a little slower, and, maybe in that package, have a sandwich with a note to a place of safety. This is not a time to turn our backs on anybody. We are all human beings and should not be judged because we wouldn’t want anyone to judge anyone of us. It’s sad that, even in these times under these conditions, that so many of us still have no compassion for others. If you have a throw away person in your family (we all have at least one), reach out to them. You should never ever feel that you can’t try just one more time to reach someone. We should, especially in this time, look beyond ourselves and show some love. It doesn’t hurt, and it won’t kill you like this virus will.

Diversity Brings With It Adversity


We are compartmentalized from the time we are born, boy or girl. As we progress in life, every aspect of our life is put into a compartment, similar to a postal worker putting mail into slots. These compartments fill up with people that have similar characteristics as you: gay or straight, rich or poor, black or white. The compartment with the most people is usually the leader and makes the decisions. That group determines how we should live our life, or try to influence people in other compartments that their way of thinking is the right way. That group of people is the decision maker of all the other compartments.

Diversity is just that, a compartment that is trying to break out from the bigger group. Diverse people have always had to fight to be noticed. They have had to fight to be heard. They have had to fight to stay true to their beliefs or run the risk of being taken over by the larger compartment. Diversity brings with adversity because the big compartment will not feel fulfilled until it has control over all the other compartments. Adversity comes about because the smaller groups usually do not have the money, support, or decision making authority to become bigger, due to the bigger group manipulating certain aspects of rules that can keep them in that same compartment. Even if their compartment gets bigger, there are safeguards in place that are meant to stop them. 

Diversity is the uniqueness we all have that is usually not applied to individuals but groups: migrants or Afro Americans. When one person in a group commits a crime, or otherwise challenges the thinking of the group, that effects the whole group. It doesn’t matter if it’s a benefit or hinderance to the compartment. Individuals are not looked at as much as taking the easier route of passing judgment on the whole group.  It is so unfair that groups of people are given such negative thoughts and rules because of what one or two people in the group might do.

Diverse people will always have to fight because the bigger group will always be afraid of themselves becoming one of those diverse groups. It’s not that it’s impossible to happen. Diverse groups are getting more vocal and laws are getting more acceptable to diverse groups. It’s not to say that it’s smooth sailing, but as time goes by and new generations of people are filling the groups, the way of thinking is changing. Technology has helped by letting people in the groups engage with other people that are in that same group, but only in a different part of the world. They are getting stronger and the bigger group is getting worried. There is strength, not only in numbers, but in the way of thinking. 

Diverse groups don’t have to feel held down like a foot on your chest, they are getting stronger and starting to push that foot away. The bigger group should be afraid, because when one of the diverse groups gets the power of the bigger group, they will not know how to deal with that foot on their chest. They haven’t had the years of adversity to have learned how to protect themselves. They will succumb to their new conditions of being held down and held back. Diverse people must keep moving forward, they must keep having conversations with other groups. They must continue to challenge the bigger group and themselves to see outside of their compartment.

There are many diverse groups, and not all are groups that should be given any power, no matter how big they are. There must be ways to judge and censor these groups, because them getting bigger and having more power can be a threat to all people, no matter the group you are in. 

Adversity has to stop being an end result to diversity.


Tick, Tick,Tick Time Flies

I Thought I Knew You

A Liar Your Heart

Marriage Is Complicated, if It’s Not You Have A Problem

Open Relationship Sounds Good, But…

Cheaters A Dime A Dozen

Love After Being Cheated On

Breaking Up: A Heart and Mind Struggle

Dating After Cheating

Sex and Money: A Vulnerable Conversation

Breaking Out After The Breakup

Surviving The Art of Cheating

The Art of Cheating

Throwaway People

Pull Off The Label

We are not cans of vegetables in a store that require a label to be stacked in the same area. We are people, so why do we need so many labels? There are so many labels that seem to define people that I’m starting to think that it’s made up. I’m black, female, gay, and married, but none of those define me just like those words or similar words don’t define you. One of the reasons you label vegetables is so that when you open them, you know what’s inside. Labeling people tells you nothing about the person inside. Labeling is very broad way of saying “This is me”, but why do you need to say that? It would be so nice if we could pull off the labels and people were just that, a person with a name for identification, and that’s it. “I am Anita” – that’s my identification, and that has nothing to do with who I am inside. We have got too hung up on these labels without knowing the person who is assigned a label. When you meet someone, you should look at the person, not if he is gay, straight, transgender, or anything else, just the person. We have a superficial world that looks too much at looks before seeing the person inside the body. It doesn’t matter if you are beautiful or ugly as hell if what’s inside should count more than what you look like and what label should be attached to your person. Why is it so important that you give yourself a label or a label is given to you? Does that label tell the person about you? I hope not because this world is worse off than I thought if all we are is a bunch of people trying to fit in a label like string beans in a can. When I was a kid, I saw these two people walking down the street. They were gay, I assumed. I wondered why people can’t just love who they wanted, as they were not hurting anyone. I learned as I got older that labels are used as a way to hurt people, and labels are used to define people as a certain sexual being. Again, why do you need a label to describe your sexuality? If you’re transgender, great but I rather know the person inside that transgender body. I don’t care if you’re transgender because that’s not what drew you to me. It’s that person inside that body that I want to get to know and love. I’m just saying I would rather just know your name. This doesn’t just apply to gay people but straight people as well. I don’t care if you’re straight, I just want to know your name and get to know that person inside. We are all different inside, and that is what makes us special. If you were to put all the Anita’s in the world together, we would still be different because of the person inside: there is no need to label that Anita as straight or that Anita as gay, what is the point? I really hope one day that people will stop with the labeling because it’s a false way to define someone.  It would be so much better if we pulled off the labels and just looked at the person. Maybe that would make the world a better place. It might help with all this divisiveness that is going on. It might help people to truly understand the next person without making assumptions. It could put love in the world and get rid of some of the hatred we have for certain groups of labeled people. Please take the time to pull the label off and look at the person inside before you judge. The next time someone says I’m pansexual, ask them who are they really inside without the label.

No Shame in Going to a Trade School

For some kids, the stress of whether to go to college is a pressure cooker waiting to explode, especially if they do not want to go. College is not for every kid, but parents often put their ambitions for their children on them. We are well aware of the extent some parents go to to get their kids into a university. Is college for the kid or for the parents? There was a time when the military was the go-to source of jobs for kids, especially African American kids. Parents looked at the military as a way out of the ghetto, which could eat their kids up and spit them out on the nearest-drug infested corner. That seems to have changed somewhat as military standards have changed. It wasn’t so much that parents didn’t want their kids to enlist; rather, it’s more that kids weren’t being accepted so readily.

There is an alternative out there that most parents fail to push, and that’s work that’s done with your hands. These are the construction workers, electricians, and plumbers, just to name a few. These jobs offer good salaries with much less cost to the student. I believe it’s how these types are jobs are perceived that makes them seem on the surface less important than the professions of a doctor or lawyer. Doesn’t it sound so much better to say “my child is a lawyer” than “my child is a garbage man”?

There are many kids out here who have no desire to attend college, but feel that they have no other option, so they go. Years ago, getting an associate’s degree was a sign that you’d made it, but that is no longer true. You need a bachelor’s degree, and with some occupations a master’s degree, to have a chance of getting that high-paying job. There are also cases where high-paying jobs still elude students because they haven’t scored high enough for Corporate America to even consider them. For some of our next-generation kids, high school is all they can see; they see nothing beyond that. It’s a strange thought that when you were a kid, you wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, anything that was glamorized on television. When the drug craze came about, television started to glamorize that quick money, and then kids started to go in that direction. I’m not saying this happens to every kid, but enough kids get drawn into easy money and a flashy lifestyle. Then the technology craze hit, and now we have some kids sitting in front of a screen before they can even talk. In a sense, they are raised by screens. They have little if any ambition and college, is a definite no-no. 

My grandson is in the eleventh grade, and I often ask him, “What are you interested in”? Because everything I suggest is a NO! When he was small, he had dreams; what happened to them? He isn’t a bad student, but is an average student who won’t be getting into any Ivy League school. That’s OK because there’s an alternative: a trade school. A trade school occupation is something to be proud of; it’s like building a house, something you put your back into. In this type of profession, you can look at your hands, and see the ability to take something from nothing and made it real. There are trade school jobs that aren’t labor-intense, like web developer or dental hygienist, that a person can learn to do, and they can be proud of what they have accomplished. 

Parents, I think that you have to be honest in evaluating your child. Don’t try to make your child a college student when they have shown no desire, or when they’re just barely making it out of high school. It should be about giving them choices, and trade schools should be among the options that are discussed. I checked online, and these are some of the best jobs for trade school graduates: 1. Elevator Installer/repairer, medium salary $77,806 2. Radiation Therapist, medium salary $69,504 3. Web Developer, medium salary $58,448 4. Diagnostic Medical Sonographer, $55,106, 5. Electricians,$52,527. These salaries aren’t too shabby for a person not going to college. 
College is great for students who are going for themselves, not for their parents. However, college often involves a lot of debt, and offers no guarantees that graduates will be employed in their chosen field after they’ve sweated for multiple years to earn their degree. A trade school involves a lot less debt, and offers better chances of employment are better in one’s chosen field. Don’t sell your child short; give him/her every opportunity to succeed, even when college isn’t in the equation.

Stop – Stand Still – Raise Your Arms High above Your Head

We are in a crisis in this country. A crisis that involves our young African American boys. What is happening with our young boys is a problem that doesn’t seemed to be addressed by the people that are supposed to serve and protect. How do we protect that group of males when we can’t get an acknowledgement that there is a problem? How do we protect our young males when they can get shot whether they comply with police or not? What you see that’s happening in the streets is a war. A war that is between police and African American males that doesn’t seem to get any better, generation after generation. How do we get more color to our police departments when all you see and hear are negative words? There is nothing for African American boys to strive for in law enforcement. There is nothing that calls out for them to become part of the solution; a solution that as of now still eludes them. I have three grandsons and I fear that one day one of them might be stopped by a policeman. How should I tell them they should act when there are trigger happy cops that only see the color of their skin not the person inside that skin? There was a consensus in African American neighborhoods that to keep our boys safe they are taught not to run from cops, just stand still; don’t touch a pocket, don’t pull up your pants, just stand there. That is no longer what we can teach them because the wrong cop in the wrong mood will still get them killed. What can we say now? I’m not saying white boys don’t get stopped or shot, but the situation for them isn’t plastered in the media as frequently as what goes on with African American boys. Yes, I will admit that white kids are more involved in mass killing, however this is of their own doing. They aren’t being killed for sometimes doing absolutely nothing. That’s an apples and oranges comparison. Some will blame it on parents; that African American boys aren’t taught any better, they aren’t civilized, they aren’t disciplined, they have no respect for authority. The list can go on and on. I have heard people say that they deserve it because they weren’t going to do anything with their lives anyway. Cops these days are judge, jury and executioner because of the power that they have. What chance do my grandsons or any boys have when they can’t fight against a society that barely acknowledges their existence? Are African American cops so brainwashed by their white brothers in law that they forget where they came from? How do African American cops stand there and not do something to instill fairness in the very communities that raised them? Do African American cops just want to turn their backs on their brothers and sisters of color? It has become obvious that right now, at this time, when generations of children of all colors are supposed to be color blind, that this is not true. This generation of kids don’t stand a chance of making any change when they still see that the color of your skin still matters in this country. If they want to get ahead, they have to follow the status quo and not buck the system. This system has been passed down through so many generations that knowing anything different is a time well forgotten. Is there a solution? Yes; that solution is getting mental help for those cops that seem like they are racist. Racism comes out sooner or later in everyone in different forms. We have to reprogram our thinking. That will take a very long time. It won’t be easy but I see no other way. It has to start now. We can’t wait. I don’t want any of my grandsons in the newspaper obituary section because some cop didn’t see who they were, just the color of their skin. We have to do better. Not just parents, but this whole country. A country were immigrants flock but can’t police their own policeman. It’s sad, very sad. What will I tell my grandsons now if stopped? Stop – stand still and raise your arms high above your head. It might not change the outcome but I don’t know what else to say.