Online Learning A Good Judge for College

Online learning isn’t easy and it’s not for everybody, but since we are being thrust into online learning, it is a good opportunity to see how your young person would do in college. I’m not talking about the actual classes because most classes are in a classroom, but how your kid goes about his/her college experience. When you go to college, there’s independence and what goes with that is self-motivation. If, during this time of forced online learning, you have to get your kid, or they’re playing video games, then what do you think will happen when you can’t barge into their room to remind them that this is school time? What about the kid that’s sneaking playing video games with their phone under the table? Is he/she going to be motivated to put that controller down when you’re nowhere around? Do you find yourself going into his/her room and finding your kid staring off into space, not looking at the computer screen? Do you think that won’t happen in college? And don’t sleep on the kid staying in the bathroom, probably using his/her phone. Kids are creative and very few are excited about school, even when college is on the line.
Parents don’t look at this in such a negative way because this may be your first look into how motivated your kid will be on his/her own. I am writing this blog because my grandson is in the 11th grade. I asked my daughter this morning how he was doing. She said that he has to be pushed; he’s a daydreamer. So, I said to her, “This is a good judge of how he will do in college.” Though he’s not going to college next year, she can now try to do something about his bad habits. We are not rich and can’t afford to send him to school to play video games or daydream through college or to pay anyone at a college to falsify his academics. He wants to be a chef, so I’m like, “Give him some recipes and let him cook!” Parents: You have to be proactive in this lockdown learning environment. Kids look at college as a way to get away from the rules and parental interference, but the actual work and focus can be a different thought. You have to go back to your 11th and 12th year in school and how you felt about school to relate to a kid today.
I personally want to see my grandson go to a trade school because his grades won’t get him a scholarship. I only can see him going to community college and letting him see if college is really for him. My daughter could just ignore the signs she sees now and go into debt to see the writing on the wall. Don’t ignore this chance to see what your kid will be like in college, if you can take this time to duplicate the college learning experience as much as you can. This opportunity may not (we hope) come around again. If you are like my daughter, start trying to emphasize the importance of college now. Let your kid know college is x amount of dollars and after bills I have x left. Let your kid know college is not party time 7 days a week. The good thing is that my family has one more year to reach him, but from what I see now, a trade school is his best bet to make a decent living in this work. I hope this blog will help some parents realize that this situation of online school is not a bad thing at all.

Covid-19 Parents Be Smart

BE SMART -PROTECT YOUR FAMILY

We are tired of staying inside, but as the saying goes, better safe than sorry. This virus shows no mercy to anybody, and it has disrupted life as we know it. The death numbers mount on a daily basis (I’m not putting any here because as I’m writing this, someone probably has died), and now they are talking about opening the cities when the one safe way to protect ourselves and family is by staying home. I was most disturbed about seeing people protesting to go back to work. If these people had been touched by this deadly virus, I can’t believe they would be so quick to protest. It is especially disturbing when we have a person in the White House that seems to care more about money and stock market than our lives (Yes, I do have money in the stock market and lost some). You can replace objects but not one life can you replace if, when opening the city, this virus continues to rage.
 People are losing their jobs at an alarming rate, but again, if you lose your life, where will your children be then? Or if you lose a child, how will that feel? I saw on television a parent said, “What shall I tell my child when he/she asks what’s for dinner?” We are parents. We have to make sacrifices and be creative. No, they maybe can’t eat steak or chicken, but what about a huge pot of chili or beef stew? Hell, any one pot meal … get a restaurant-sized pot and freeze some. We are spoiled. We as adults can be creative but, until now, we haven’t had to be. This can also be a teaching lesson for our children about money and saving. There’s an App called Acorns that takes your change from when you buy something and invest it. You won’t miss that 20 change from the dollar you spend. It all adds up. Our children take money for granted … $200 sneakers? And as parents, we go into debt to buy them. You have to take this time to teach them about the sacrifices that go into buying those sneakers. Parents take that little bit of money and stretch it. Just as the children learn about money, so are you. 
If you want to work that bad, Amazon, Dominoes, and Fidelity are hiring. I know some people will make more money not looking for a job with the amount of unemployment. 

COVID-19 Parents Be Smart

Parents, you have to be smart. Even as the states decide to open, you have to think first, not just put yourself and family members out in your area. If you’re going to the movies, do you wear your virus-fighting gear or are you going to believe that the movies have wiped the seat down before you sit down? If you go to the playground, are you putting the virus-fighting gear on your children or are you going to take the chance that the park people have disinfected that slide between kids? Young adults are the last to understand that their lives are more important than going to the beach. I see no way of getting it through their brains than talking to them and keep talking to them about what could happen if they decide not to abide by the rules. Young adults think they are invincible, but as parents, you have to try to reach them by any means, even if it means scaring them with death numbers and what the possibility of if he/she brings the virus home. There are big consequences.

Parents, before you send your child to school or camp, what’s that going to look like? Do the adults interacting with your child have on virus-protecting gear or will your child have to go with their gear on? You have to know what protection’s will be in place. You want it written on paper, not just a verbal promise. You need to ask your child, “Did you see anybody wipe down the chair and tables before you used it? You can find out a lot from your child. You are putting your child’s and family’s lives in danger if you aren’t diligent in asking questions. It is bad enough you have to depend on someone else to do their part in having a safe and sanitary environment for your child, so it’s important for you to do your part.
I know people are having a hard time paying their rent, and this is the time for families to come together to help each other. No one should be a throwaway person. This could mean two families in one apartment. You may be cramped, but you are alive. Remember, nothing has to be permanent. It’s all a temporary situation. The one good thing this virus has done is bring families close together.
There’s no safe place like home until there is an actual way to fight this virus, so think before you act in all situations.

Reach Out to The Thrown Away People

Reach Out To Someone


We are living in a time where unconditional love is needed. This is not the time to judge or hold animosity towards anyone. This virus has no boundaries of who it touches or why it touches that person. We all have someone in our family that we have mentally thrown away for whatever reason. The reason is not important right now. This should be a time for families and friends to come together to build a foundation that will help each of us to get through this fight. This is a fight of our lives that is happening, and it is evident by the numbers we see each day of the deaths that have taken place in such a short period of time. It’s time to reach out to that thrown away person and bring them back into the fold of family and love. Where is that person right now, do you know? I know it’s easy to dismiss that drug addict, prostitute, runaway, and anyone that doesn’t live up to the standards that society puts upon us. The throw away person might have hurt you or gave you lot of unfulfilled promises, but this is not the time to mentally pretend that person doesn’t exist. We are all worried when we hear of a family member or friend that has tested positive, but what about the family member that we don’t hear about? Will that person’s death not mean anything? Is it too hard to open your heart to that throw away and reach out to them? This virus doesn’t care about who you are or what you did, it only wants to ravish your body and kill. How can the person sleeping in an alley fight it, or what about the prostitute who sleeps with so many people? Anyone of them can carry it? These people need love and someone to care about them. They need not to be judged, but shown unconditional love. This is a time to open that mind that has been closed to that person and reach out to them. There is no such thing as “I’m tired of trying” because this virus isn’t tired of killing. You must make an effort to find and throw your arms around that person and let him/her know you got them, they aren’t alone. Nobody wants to die alone, and we see that with this virus. People are dying alone. Don’t let your thrown away person die alone. If you don’t want them in your house, then take them by the hand and lead them to get help or to any place that he/she will be safe. There are so many thrown away people out there and, normally, each of us just holds our packages a little closer to our body and walk a little quicker to distance ourselves from their presence. This is a time we should walk a little slower, and, maybe in that package, have a sandwich with a note to a place of safety. This is not a time to turn our backs on anybody. We are all human beings and should not be judged because we wouldn’t want anyone to judge anyone of us. It’s sad that, even in these times under these conditions, that so many of us still have no compassion for others. If you have a throw away person in your family (we all have at least one), reach out to them. You should never ever feel that you can’t try just one more time to reach someone. We should, especially in this time, look beyond ourselves and show some love. It doesn’t hurt, and it won’t kill you like this virus will.

The One That Got Away

A Love Lost

We’ve all had or will have that person that stole your heart. Your first love. The one that made you think every day was like that first day. The person that puts a smile on your face. That person that was your forever person. This was your heart and soul, but for whatever reason, the fairytale ended. One day, you’re sitting deep in thought, and you wonder, whatever happened to that person?
You decide to reach out to that person to see what direction his/her life has taken. You pick up the phone and hesitate with each number you hit.

Your heart answers, “Hello.”
You: “How you been?”
Your heart: “Okay, who’s this?
You: “I was thinking about you.”
Your heart: “Who’s this?”

The conversation is stalled. You aren’t sure how to proceed. It definitely wasn’t what you expected, but then again, what did you expect? 
You: “Nobody. I must have the wrong number.” 

You feel dejected, and your heart, did he/she really not know who you were? The answer is that the person probably knew who you were but just didn’t want to open that door again. The past is the past. You’ve both moved on. 

This is a phone call we’ve picked up the phone to make but then put the phone back down. What do you hope to gain? When you’re alone and lonely, it is tempting to get into your feelings and look for that person that made you giggle and climax to the highest mountain, with whom you shared dreams of the future. When you’re lonely, those thoughts hit you hard, and no matter what your mind tells you about going there, your heart overrules it. You just have to know about that person, hoping that maybe, just maybe, that person is sitting over there thinking the same thing. 

If you find yourself in this situation, do whatever you have to do to not make that call. Yes, there are times when a lost love can be found, but they are few. If you’re lonely, take a walk, call a friend, go visit your mother. Do whatever, but don’t make that call. You both moved on months or even years ago. You don’t know that person, and that person no longer knows you. You can’t continue from yesterday. What you’re thinking of only exists in a part of your heart that is locked away behind a closed door. Why open it? You would have to start a new relationship, brand new, like with people you’ve never met, but that’s not what you want. You want that relationship you remember, but it can’t come back; you can’t relive it. It is not possible to continue something that ended a long time ago. When you’re reminiscing about a lost love, you also have to remember what caused that wonderful, better-than-life relationship to end. It did end for a reason, and though that reason might not seem important in your loneliness, you have to listen to your mind when it tells you what really happened to your fairytale. A fairytale doesn’t just end for no reason. Be real with yourself.
If you do make that call, know that there is no guarantee that what you’re dreaming of will be the reality that you’re looking for. The loneliness you have may still be there, even after you make the call. The person might even resent you for trying to interfere in his/her life after so long. Why put yourself through that misery? It’s not worth it. Sometimes it’s better to take a dream and smile and go back to sleep than to pursue it. Loneliness is hard, but going back in time to cure it is not the answer either. Let it be. Time heals. Maybe not instantaneously, but it will heal. You just have to keep moving forward and keep that lost love behind the locked door in your heart.

Being Lonely In A Relationship

The Look of Loneliness

There is nothing worst than being lonely in a relationship. This feeling could be gotten from any type of relationship. The relationship I’m speaking of is between opposite or same sex couples. Relationship loneliness is that knot you get in your stomach that makes you feel sick.

You could be in a room with all your friends but you know something is missing. You envy couples that seem so happy and you wonder why you can’t have that. You and your partner or spouse seem to always be missing each other; one is coming, the other is going. You and your partner or spouse seem to talk, but you aren’t really talking, it’s more like being cordial. You go out, but there’s nothing but silence between you. The intimacy is all but gone. The sex is robotic or maybe even non-existent.

If any of the sentences above are something you can relate to, then there is a problem that you just don’t want to address. No one wants to be alone, but it’s worse to be a alone when you’re not really alone. The fear of loneliness can keep you in a place where you shouldn’t be. That fear can paralyze you from moving on. You’re stagnant and don’t really understand why. What happens to you after the relationship is over is fearful to think of. It’s like a child going to school for the first time. You’re scared of the unknown. You try to imagine being alone, but you can’t. All you know is that one day you were happy and all of sudden you feel like you’re in a relationship by yourself. What happened?

Relationship loneliness doesn’t have to be about cheating. It can happen and neither of you have to see it coming. You both can be too scared to have a conversation about your feelings in fear that you’ll find out something neither of you are ready to admit. Cheating is something you can put words to but loneliness is much harder and deeper. You can try and describe it, but the words just don’t quite say what you’re feeling. You just can’t put your finger on what’s going on.

There is no quick fix for a relationship when you have that feeling. It takes time understand the feeling you have. You can’t get through it alone. You have to talk about it. I don’t mean to just communicate but you have to have a conversation. You both have to acknowledge your role in what is happening in your relationship. The cause as I said doesn’t have to be cheating, it could be work or family problems. It could be that you feel unfulfilled in the relationship or unappreciated. 
Whatever the reason, you have to first understand it yourself before you can hope someone else will; not just understand it, but also fix it. What you really want is someone to fix what you feel, but that’s never going to happen. You are responsible for your own happiness. Don’t put that job on someone else. 

The best answer I can give you is time. Take the time to work on yourself. Let your partner or spouse understand just that you need time. If your partner or spouse doesn’t seem interested in how you’re feeling or wanting to help see you through it, then maybe that’s the problem; that person doesn’t want to be in the relationship and is too afraid to tell you. You might find out that your partner or spouse is having the same feelings of loneliness but doesn’t know how to talk about it. You’ll never know unless you both have an honest conversation about it. That’s the person you love, so there shouldn’t be anything you can’t discuss. Push your pride out of the way. 
Don’t let pride ruin a relationship that doesn’t have to end but just needs some nourishment from the both of you. Does it matter who goes first or who approaches who first? No, it doesn’t matter when you’re trying to hold on to something that you feel is worth fighting for.

Blogs
If The Relationship Didn’t Work Once, Don’t Try Again
Diversity Brings With It Adversity
Tick, Tick, Tick Time Flies
I Thought I knew You
Marriage Is Complicated, If It’s Not You Have A Problem
A Liar Your Heart
Open Relationships Sounds Good, But….
Cheaters A Dime A Dozen
Guns and Money Are Indirect Killers
Love After Being Cheated On
Breaking Up: A Heart and Mind Struggle
Dating After Cheating
Sex and Money: A Vulnerable Conversation
Breaking Out After The Breakup
Surviving The Art of Cheating
The Art of Cheating
Throwaway People

Diversity Brings With It Adversity

Diversity

We are compartmentalized from the time we are born, boy or girl. As we progress in life, every aspect of our life is put into a compartment, similar to a postal worker putting mail into slots. These compartments fill up with people that have similar characteristics as you: gay or straight, rich or poor, black or white. The compartment with the most people is usually the leader and makes the decisions. That group determines how we should live our life, or try to influence people in other compartments that their way of thinking is the right way. That group of people is the decision maker of all the other compartments.

Diversity is just that, a compartment that is trying to break out from the bigger group. Diverse people have always had to fight to be noticed. They have had to fight to be heard. They have had to fight to stay true to their beliefs or run the risk of being taken over by the larger compartment. Diversity brings with adversity because the big compartment will not feel fulfilled until it has control over all the other compartments. Adversity comes about because the smaller groups usually do not have the money, support, or decision making authority to become bigger, due to the bigger group manipulating certain aspects of rules that can keep them in that same compartment. Even if their compartment gets bigger, there are safeguards in place that are meant to stop them. 

Diversity is the uniqueness we all have that is usually not applied to individuals but groups: migrants or Afro Americans. When one person in a group commits a crime, or otherwise challenges the thinking of the group, that effects the whole group. It doesn’t matter if it’s a benefit or hinderance to the compartment. Individuals are not looked at as much as taking the easier route of passing judgment on the whole group.  It is so unfair that groups of people are given such negative thoughts and rules because of what one or two people in the group might do.

Diverse people will always have to fight because the bigger group will always be afraid of themselves becoming one of those diverse groups. It’s not that it’s impossible to happen. Diverse groups are getting more vocal and laws are getting more acceptable to diverse groups. It’s not to say that it’s smooth sailing, but as time goes by and new generations of people are filling the groups, the way of thinking is changing. Technology has helped by letting people in the groups engage with other people that are in that same group, but only in a different part of the world. They are getting stronger and the bigger group is getting worried. There is strength, not only in numbers, but in the way of thinking. 

Diverse groups don’t have to feel held down like a foot on your chest, they are getting stronger and starting to push that foot away. The bigger group should be afraid, because when one of the diverse groups gets the power of the bigger group, they will not know how to deal with that foot on their chest. They haven’t had the years of adversity to have learned how to protect themselves. They will succumb to their new conditions of being held down and held back. Diverse people must keep moving forward, they must keep having conversations with other groups. They must continue to challenge the bigger group and themselves to see outside of their compartment.

There are many diverse groups, and not all are groups that should be given any power, no matter how big they are. There must be ways to judge and censor these groups, because them getting bigger and having more power can be a threat to all people, no matter the group you are in. 

Adversity has to stop being an end result to diversity.

Blogs

Tick, Tick,Tick Time Flies

I Thought I Knew You

A Liar Your Heart

Marriage Is Complicated, if It’s Not You Have A Problem

Open Relationship Sounds Good, But…

Cheaters A Dime A Dozen

Love After Being Cheated On

Breaking Up: A Heart and Mind Struggle

Dating After Cheating

Sex and Money: A Vulnerable Conversation

Breaking Out After The Breakup

Surviving The Art of Cheating

The Art of Cheating

Throwaway People

Tick, Tick, Tick Time Flies


It is said that from the time you are born, your life ticks away to death. I was sitting here one day thinking how fast time seems to move; one minute I was in my twenties now I’m in my sixties. Where did all those years go? I’ve had some very good times and some very bad times. I really can’t say which outweighed the other. It really doesn’t matter because it’s gone and can never be gotten back. It’s true when you hear older people say, “If only I knew then what I know now.” I will attest to that because I would have done so many things differently. I’ve not always made good choices now that I can look back, however, I made the choices I thought was good at the time. What I’m learning as I’ve aged is you can’t change the past so let it go. Why hold onto it because it benefits nobody. Age brings a certain appreciation to situations, people, just everything you encounter. I thought I appreciated things I encountered when I was younger, was I ever so wrong? You have relationships that come and go and each is supposed to be a learning experience for the next relationship. That’s true, except I didn’t always take what I learned and apply it to the next one. When you’re young, you think you’re taking that knowledge and using it but that’s not always the case because sometimes I just didn’t know how. 

I appreciated things but I now that I’m older I realized I didn’t appreciate things at all. I just rolled with them. When you’re in your twenties and thirties you just want to have fun and be happy. I know that’s what I wanted to do. Then reality starts to settle in that the world really doesn’t care about you or me. I started to realize I have to figure things out because the clock is ticking. That’s when it starts to get scary. How much time do I have left? How much time do I have to appreciate the things around me?  When I finally came to my senses, I realized that I needed to learn to appreciate any and everything I encounter. I always told people I was the most least observant person around; I saw nothing. I wasn’t naïve just I didn’t see anything. Someone could ask me, “Did you see that person? Isn’t he/she cute?“ I wouldn’t have been paying attention. I was always in my own world. 

When my first grandson came is when I realized how much I’ve missed out on. It was time to grow up and act like I wanted to leave something behind. When grandson two and three came it was time to stop thinking about it and it was time for action. I wasn’t the greatest mom but neither the worst, however, I knew I could be a much better person than I had been. There’s always a trigger that makes you stop and say, “Enough is enough!” Everyone has that trigger, it’s just a matter of when it goes off. 

Now, I look at things and, instead of rushing through, I stop and look and try to understand things. I learned that it’s okay to take a break. Its okay to say, “I love you” without it feeling corny. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I’m sorry.” I want to leave my grandsons hopefully in a better place than I was in or their mother. I can’t do anything about the world that’s not in my control, but the things I can control I want them to be things they can be proud of. 

I’ve written some blogs about relationships because whatever your relationship, you have to recognize it for what it is. You don’t want to spend your life in a bad relationship, and thirty years from now with the clock ticking you wonder why you stayed. You can’t get those years back, so why lose them when you don’t have to? I hope my grandsons understand that nobody is perfect. If you want perfection, you will be alone. We all have flaws, though some will never admit it just like some will never grow up. You can’t be twenty for the rest of your life because the clock is ticking and you can’t stop age. I often hear age is just a number. That may be fine when you’re thirty but by time forty rolls around, your body starts reacting differently. You maybe can hide it from the outside world but you can’t hide it from yourself. It happened to me. 

If you’re young, enjoy being young. Have fun, but stop every now and then and appreciate the people and things that you encounter. It’s for your benefit as well as the people in your life.

Blogs.
I Thought I Knew You 
Marriage Is Complicated, If It’s Not You Have A Problem
A Liar Your Heart
Open Relationships Sound Good, But…
Cheaters A Dime A Dozen
Love After Being Cheated On
Breaking Up: A Heart and Mind Struggle
Dating After Cheating
Sex and Money; Vulnerable Conversations
Breaking Out After The Breakup
Surviving The Art of Cheating 
The Art of Cheating
Retirementanddogs.blog
UniqueThings.blog
Aninoids.wordpress.com – The Aninoids a children’s book coming this spring

I Thought I Knew You

“I thought I knew you” are words we’ve said to someone in our lives, whether they were a friend or a lover. There is a certain way we look at someone, and when that person does something out of character, it can throw your perception of that person off.

When we are children, we have two personalities: one for our parents and then there’s the personality that we have for our friends. When we get older, we adjust those personalities to different situations that we’re in. There’s the work personality, the friend personality and the one you show in a relationship. The people in our lives, no matter their role, see us through the personality that we bring into that situation. When we do something different, it makes them question whether they ever really knew us.

When we are in a relationship and the person we love suddenly goes from being a person we know to someone we no longer know, it makes us question whether we knew that person at all. It doesn’t have to be a relationship; it could be a friendship where we see a person that we know change into someone we don’t know.

When two people grow apart, we see that person as someone different than when we started the relationship/friendship. The change can be subtle, or it may be dramatic, but it makes us question whether what we knew of that person was real.

People change for different reasons and it’s possible that all reasons are not meant to be hurtful. When someone close to us changes, it’s hard not to say something to make that person aware of what we’re seeing. It could be that person doesn’t realize he/she has changed. There could be that two different personalities aren’t being separated, but coming together. When you go to work and then go home, are you leaving your work personality at work or is it meshing with the home personality? You have a problem if you can’t separate personalities. You date someone that your friends tell you is no good for you because you’re changing is another example of how personalities can come together and not for the right reason.

Have you ever laid in bed with someone and thought, ‘I really don’t know this person.’ or ‘Who are you?’ You’re asking that question because the personality you were shown is not that same personality. All of this makes you wonder who is the real person; the one from before or the one now?

I am not saying that people should not grow because then we would be stagnant. I am saying that people change and the person you think you know might turn out to be someone you don’t know. I mean, do we really ever know somebody? We think we know the person but do we really know what someone is thinking.

We only know what someone shows and says. How do we know it’s the truth? When that person changes, it can be hard to accept the changes because you’re comfortable with the person you know. If you can’t adapt to the new person, whether in your opinion it’s good or bad, then the relationship/friendship will cause you to grow apart from that person. Then there’s the problem of you adapting: is that taking you from being the person you are? Sometimes, you have to let that person go.
You never know if the person that’s your friend, spouse or whatever relationship you might have will ever change. It’s hard to watch someone you’ve been close to for so long change into someone you don’t know, especially when there’s nothing you can do about it.

I thought I knew you, but I guess I was wrong.

Blogs

A Liar Your Heart

Marriage Is Complicated. If It’s Not, You Have A Problem

Open Relationship Sound Good, But…
Cheaters: A Dime A Dozen

Love After Being Cheated On

Breaking Up; A Heart and Mind Struggle

Dating After Cheating

Sex and Money: Vulnerable Conversations

Breaking Out After The Breakup


Surviving The Art of Cheating


The Art of Cheating

Marriage Is Complicated, If It’s Not You Have A Problem

Marriage is complicated, and I’ll tell you why. It’s because there are no written words, describing the feelings that bring two people together its not an easy task. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a same-sex couple or a heterosexual couple; what matters is not the two individuals who are involved in a marriage, but what goes on between those two people, and not just sexually speaking. Those two people have to express feelings which can’t be put down into words, or voiced even – it all comes down to actions. How else can you tell someone you love them, if not through your actions? Words may come easy, and writing them on paper may be just as easy, but to actually show someone what’s in your heart…that is what’s truly amazing. As they say, “It’s easier said than done” after all, isn’t it? 

Sure enough you have friends, the kind you’d cut off your arm for, but you wouldn’t marry. You have friends you’d die for, and yet you wouldn’t marry them. You have friends you’d sleep with, but you still wouldn’t marry them. The reason is that something is missing, that indescribable feeling which you can’t express through words is not there.

I hear people say after a few dates that they’re ready to take the relationship to the next level, which is marriage. But marriage is about having that feeling in your heart which you are not able to describe with words. It’s something that goes beyond what you feel for your very best friend, it is unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. Of course, I also believe that your spouse should be a friend first, because marriage is an extension of that relationship – it goes further, and it has to be the same for both of you. 

You are two different people and you both have this indescribable feeling in your heart that makes you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, even if that feeling is fleeting. When you do get married, you have to make compromises, but that doesn’t mean you lose yourself into that other person’s world. If that happens, then you spend all your time feeling miserable and questioning how you got to that point. 

Marriage is also about trying to bring two minds together, which in itself can be complicated, because naturally every person is unique. That uniqueness makes each person special, and when you meet someone and eventually decide to marry into that uniqueness, you are put to the test. How true can you be to yourself if you give away your uniqueness?

These days, especially young people get into marriages that their friends and family deem to be wrong. But the truth is that no one except the spouses themselves know, nobody can look into their hearts to see if the love is real and if the wedding was but just a impulsive decision. You would have to look at someone’s actions to form an opinion. While the heart gives that indescribable feeling, it’s the mind that keeps one grounded.

So, what makes it so hard to get over a failed marriage is feeling that whatever led you to get married in the first place is broken and can’t be fixed by your heart alone. You need the help of your mind to show you the way, because it’s hard to let go of that feeling. It’s a powerful feeling, especially when marriage is involved. Marriages end for so many reasons these days, it’s hard to keep up with all of them, but if you both still have that same feeling you had when you decided to wed, that feeling that can’t be described, then don’t throw in the towel just yet. Too many married people these days give up too easily without putting up a fight, they don’t even try to salvage their relationship. They see it as a disposable tool that, when it breaks or is no longer needed, can simply be discarded and perhaps replaced. 

I’m married, and my spouse and I had to fight for each other and our love every inch of the way. If it hadn’t been for that indescribable feeling in our hearts, we would have never made it. We fought tooth and nail to learn to compromise without losing ourselves in each other. Marriage doesn’t mean you’re not going to argue or get fed up. It means that, if you want it to work, you need to realize at some point that the reason why you decided to get married is still relevant. You have to calm down and get rational, and remember that nothing should be settled until then. Because making any decisions based on your instincts, when you’re upset, is never a good move. 

If your marriage is easy, and you both are just going with the flow, then you’re both flowing nowhere. You have got to row that boat – you can’t just let it drift along.

If you’re married, or if you’re thinking about getting married, make sure you’re getting the actions you need from your other half; make sure you’re doing those actions yourself. But, most importantly, make sure your heart is taking you to a place words cannot describe.

In my next blog, I’ll surprise you.

Blogs:
Retirementanddogs.blog
Uniquethings.blog
A Liar: Your Heart
Open Relationships Sound Good, But…
Cheaters: A Dime, A Dozen
Love After Being Cheated On
Breaking Up: A Heart and Mind Struggle
Dating After Cheating
Sex and Money: A Vulnerable Conversation 
Breaking Out After The Breakup
Surviving The Art of Cheating
The Art of Cheating