Reach Out to The Thrown Away People

Reach Out To Someone


We are living in a time where unconditional love is needed. This is not the time to judge or hold animosity towards anyone. This virus has no boundaries of who it touches or why it touches that person. We all have someone in our family that we have mentally thrown away for whatever reason. The reason is not important right now. This should be a time for families and friends to come together to build a foundation that will help each of us to get through this fight. This is a fight of our lives that is happening, and it is evident by the numbers we see each day of the deaths that have taken place in such a short period of time. It’s time to reach out to that thrown away person and bring them back into the fold of family and love. Where is that person right now, do you know? I know it’s easy to dismiss that drug addict, prostitute, runaway, and anyone that doesn’t live up to the standards that society puts upon us. The throw away person might have hurt you or gave you lot of unfulfilled promises, but this is not the time to mentally pretend that person doesn’t exist. We are all worried when we hear of a family member or friend that has tested positive, but what about the family member that we don’t hear about? Will that person’s death not mean anything? Is it too hard to open your heart to that throw away and reach out to them? This virus doesn’t care about who you are or what you did, it only wants to ravish your body and kill. How can the person sleeping in an alley fight it, or what about the prostitute who sleeps with so many people? Anyone of them can carry it? These people need love and someone to care about them. They need not to be judged, but shown unconditional love. This is a time to open that mind that has been closed to that person and reach out to them. There is no such thing as “I’m tired of trying” because this virus isn’t tired of killing. You must make an effort to find and throw your arms around that person and let him/her know you got them, they aren’t alone. Nobody wants to die alone, and we see that with this virus. People are dying alone. Don’t let your thrown away person die alone. If you don’t want them in your house, then take them by the hand and lead them to get help or to any place that he/she will be safe. There are so many thrown away people out there and, normally, each of us just holds our packages a little closer to our body and walk a little quicker to distance ourselves from their presence. This is a time we should walk a little slower, and, maybe in that package, have a sandwich with a note to a place of safety. This is not a time to turn our backs on anybody. We are all human beings and should not be judged because we wouldn’t want anyone to judge anyone of us. It’s sad that, even in these times under these conditions, that so many of us still have no compassion for others. If you have a throw away person in your family (we all have at least one), reach out to them. You should never ever feel that you can’t try just one more time to reach someone. We should, especially in this time, look beyond ourselves and show some love. It doesn’t hurt, and it won’t kill you like this virus will.

Diversity Brings With It Adversity

Diversity

We are compartmentalized from the time we are born, boy or girl. As we progress in life, every aspect of our life is put into a compartment, similar to a postal worker putting mail into slots. These compartments fill up with people that have similar characteristics as you: gay or straight, rich or poor, black or white. The compartment with the most people is usually the leader and makes the decisions. That group determines how we should live our life, or try to influence people in other compartments that their way of thinking is the right way. That group of people is the decision maker of all the other compartments.

Diversity is just that, a compartment that is trying to break out from the bigger group. Diverse people have always had to fight to be noticed. They have had to fight to be heard. They have had to fight to stay true to their beliefs or run the risk of being taken over by the larger compartment. Diversity brings with adversity because the big compartment will not feel fulfilled until it has control over all the other compartments. Adversity comes about because the smaller groups usually do not have the money, support, or decision making authority to become bigger, due to the bigger group manipulating certain aspects of rules that can keep them in that same compartment. Even if their compartment gets bigger, there are safeguards in place that are meant to stop them. 

Diversity is the uniqueness we all have that is usually not applied to individuals but groups: migrants or Afro Americans. When one person in a group commits a crime, or otherwise challenges the thinking of the group, that effects the whole group. It doesn’t matter if it’s a benefit or hinderance to the compartment. Individuals are not looked at as much as taking the easier route of passing judgment on the whole group.  It is so unfair that groups of people are given such negative thoughts and rules because of what one or two people in the group might do.

Diverse people will always have to fight because the bigger group will always be afraid of themselves becoming one of those diverse groups. It’s not that it’s impossible to happen. Diverse groups are getting more vocal and laws are getting more acceptable to diverse groups. It’s not to say that it’s smooth sailing, but as time goes by and new generations of people are filling the groups, the way of thinking is changing. Technology has helped by letting people in the groups engage with other people that are in that same group, but only in a different part of the world. They are getting stronger and the bigger group is getting worried. There is strength, not only in numbers, but in the way of thinking. 

Diverse groups don’t have to feel held down like a foot on your chest, they are getting stronger and starting to push that foot away. The bigger group should be afraid, because when one of the diverse groups gets the power of the bigger group, they will not know how to deal with that foot on their chest. They haven’t had the years of adversity to have learned how to protect themselves. They will succumb to their new conditions of being held down and held back. Diverse people must keep moving forward, they must keep having conversations with other groups. They must continue to challenge the bigger group and themselves to see outside of their compartment.

There are many diverse groups, and not all are groups that should be given any power, no matter how big they are. There must be ways to judge and censor these groups, because them getting bigger and having more power can be a threat to all people, no matter the group you are in. 

Adversity has to stop being an end result to diversity.

Blogs

Tick, Tick,Tick Time Flies

I Thought I Knew You

A Liar Your Heart

Marriage Is Complicated, if It’s Not You Have A Problem

Open Relationship Sounds Good, But…

Cheaters A Dime A Dozen

Love After Being Cheated On

Breaking Up: A Heart and Mind Struggle

Dating After Cheating

Sex and Money: A Vulnerable Conversation

Breaking Out After The Breakup

Surviving The Art of Cheating

The Art of Cheating

Throwaway People

Tick, Tick, Tick Time Flies


It is said that from the time you are born, your life ticks away to death. I was sitting here one day thinking how fast time seems to move; one minute I was in my twenties now I’m in my sixties. Where did all those years go? I’ve had some very good times and some very bad times. I really can’t say which outweighed the other. It really doesn’t matter because it’s gone and can never be gotten back. It’s true when you hear older people say, “If only I knew then what I know now.” I will attest to that because I would have done so many things differently. I’ve not always made good choices now that I can look back, however, I made the choices I thought was good at the time. What I’m learning as I’ve aged is you can’t change the past so let it go. Why hold onto it because it benefits nobody. Age brings a certain appreciation to situations, people, just everything you encounter. I thought I appreciated things I encountered when I was younger, was I ever so wrong? You have relationships that come and go and each is supposed to be a learning experience for the next relationship. That’s true, except I didn’t always take what I learned and apply it to the next one. When you’re young, you think you’re taking that knowledge and using it but that’s not always the case because sometimes I just didn’t know how. 

I appreciated things but I now that I’m older I realized I didn’t appreciate things at all. I just rolled with them. When you’re in your twenties and thirties you just want to have fun and be happy. I know that’s what I wanted to do. Then reality starts to settle in that the world really doesn’t care about you or me. I started to realize I have to figure things out because the clock is ticking. That’s when it starts to get scary. How much time do I have left? How much time do I have to appreciate the things around me?  When I finally came to my senses, I realized that I needed to learn to appreciate any and everything I encounter. I always told people I was the most least observant person around; I saw nothing. I wasn’t naïve just I didn’t see anything. Someone could ask me, “Did you see that person? Isn’t he/she cute?“ I wouldn’t have been paying attention. I was always in my own world. 

When my first grandson came is when I realized how much I’ve missed out on. It was time to grow up and act like I wanted to leave something behind. When grandson two and three came it was time to stop thinking about it and it was time for action. I wasn’t the greatest mom but neither the worst, however, I knew I could be a much better person than I had been. There’s always a trigger that makes you stop and say, “Enough is enough!” Everyone has that trigger, it’s just a matter of when it goes off. 

Now, I look at things and, instead of rushing through, I stop and look and try to understand things. I learned that it’s okay to take a break. Its okay to say, “I love you” without it feeling corny. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I’m sorry.” I want to leave my grandsons hopefully in a better place than I was in or their mother. I can’t do anything about the world that’s not in my control, but the things I can control I want them to be things they can be proud of. 

I’ve written some blogs about relationships because whatever your relationship, you have to recognize it for what it is. You don’t want to spend your life in a bad relationship, and thirty years from now with the clock ticking you wonder why you stayed. You can’t get those years back, so why lose them when you don’t have to? I hope my grandsons understand that nobody is perfect. If you want perfection, you will be alone. We all have flaws, though some will never admit it just like some will never grow up. You can’t be twenty for the rest of your life because the clock is ticking and you can’t stop age. I often hear age is just a number. That may be fine when you’re thirty but by time forty rolls around, your body starts reacting differently. You maybe can hide it from the outside world but you can’t hide it from yourself. It happened to me. 

If you’re young, enjoy being young. Have fun, but stop every now and then and appreciate the people and things that you encounter. It’s for your benefit as well as the people in your life.

Blogs.
I Thought I Knew You 
Marriage Is Complicated, If It’s Not You Have A Problem
A Liar Your Heart
Open Relationships Sound Good, But…
Cheaters A Dime A Dozen
Love After Being Cheated On
Breaking Up: A Heart and Mind Struggle
Dating After Cheating
Sex and Money; Vulnerable Conversations
Breaking Out After The Breakup
Surviving The Art of Cheating 
The Art of Cheating
Retirementanddogs.blog
UniqueThings.blog
Aninoids.wordpress.com – The Aninoids a children’s book coming this spring

Marriage Is Complicated, If It’s Not You Have A Problem

Marriage is complicated, and I’ll tell you why. It’s because there are no written words, describing the feelings that bring two people together its not an easy task. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a same-sex couple or a heterosexual couple; what matters is not the two individuals who are involved in a marriage, but what goes on between those two people, and not just sexually speaking. Those two people have to express feelings which can’t be put down into words, or voiced even – it all comes down to actions. How else can you tell someone you love them, if not through your actions? Words may come easy, and writing them on paper may be just as easy, but to actually show someone what’s in your heart…that is what’s truly amazing. As they say, “It’s easier said than done” after all, isn’t it? 

Sure enough you have friends, the kind you’d cut off your arm for, but you wouldn’t marry. You have friends you’d die for, and yet you wouldn’t marry them. You have friends you’d sleep with, but you still wouldn’t marry them. The reason is that something is missing, that indescribable feeling which you can’t express through words is not there.

I hear people say after a few dates that they’re ready to take the relationship to the next level, which is marriage. But marriage is about having that feeling in your heart which you are not able to describe with words. It’s something that goes beyond what you feel for your very best friend, it is unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. Of course, I also believe that your spouse should be a friend first, because marriage is an extension of that relationship – it goes further, and it has to be the same for both of you. 

You are two different people and you both have this indescribable feeling in your heart that makes you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, even if that feeling is fleeting. When you do get married, you have to make compromises, but that doesn’t mean you lose yourself into that other person’s world. If that happens, then you spend all your time feeling miserable and questioning how you got to that point. 

Marriage is also about trying to bring two minds together, which in itself can be complicated, because naturally every person is unique. That uniqueness makes each person special, and when you meet someone and eventually decide to marry into that uniqueness, you are put to the test. How true can you be to yourself if you give away your uniqueness?

These days, especially young people get into marriages that their friends and family deem to be wrong. But the truth is that no one except the spouses themselves know, nobody can look into their hearts to see if the love is real and if the wedding was but just a impulsive decision. You would have to look at someone’s actions to form an opinion. While the heart gives that indescribable feeling, it’s the mind that keeps one grounded.

So, what makes it so hard to get over a failed marriage is feeling that whatever led you to get married in the first place is broken and can’t be fixed by your heart alone. You need the help of your mind to show you the way, because it’s hard to let go of that feeling. It’s a powerful feeling, especially when marriage is involved. Marriages end for so many reasons these days, it’s hard to keep up with all of them, but if you both still have that same feeling you had when you decided to wed, that feeling that can’t be described, then don’t throw in the towel just yet. Too many married people these days give up too easily without putting up a fight, they don’t even try to salvage their relationship. They see it as a disposable tool that, when it breaks or is no longer needed, can simply be discarded and perhaps replaced. 

I’m married, and my spouse and I had to fight for each other and our love every inch of the way. If it hadn’t been for that indescribable feeling in our hearts, we would have never made it. We fought tooth and nail to learn to compromise without losing ourselves in each other. Marriage doesn’t mean you’re not going to argue or get fed up. It means that, if you want it to work, you need to realize at some point that the reason why you decided to get married is still relevant. You have to calm down and get rational, and remember that nothing should be settled until then. Because making any decisions based on your instincts, when you’re upset, is never a good move. 

If your marriage is easy, and you both are just going with the flow, then you’re both flowing nowhere. You have got to row that boat – you can’t just let it drift along.

If you’re married, or if you’re thinking about getting married, make sure you’re getting the actions you need from your other half; make sure you’re doing those actions yourself. But, most importantly, make sure your heart is taking you to a place words cannot describe.

In my next blog, I’ll surprise you.

Blogs:
Retirementanddogs.blog
Uniquethings.blog
A Liar: Your Heart
Open Relationships Sound Good, But…
Cheaters: A Dime, A Dozen
Love After Being Cheated On
Breaking Up: A Heart and Mind Struggle
Dating After Cheating
Sex and Money: A Vulnerable Conversation 
Breaking Out After The Breakup
Surviving The Art of Cheating
The Art of Cheating

Pull Off The Label

We are not cans of vegetables in a store that require a label to be stacked in the same area. We are people, so why do we need so many labels? There are so many labels that seem to define people that I’m starting to think that it’s made up. I’m black, female, gay, and married, but none of those define me just like those words or similar words don’t define you. One of the reasons you label vegetables is so that when you open them, you know what’s inside. Labeling people tells you nothing about the person inside. Labeling is very broad way of saying “This is me”, but why do you need to say that? It would be so nice if we could pull off the labels and people were just that, a person with a name for identification, and that’s it. “I am Anita” – that’s my identification, and that has nothing to do with who I am inside. We have got too hung up on these labels without knowing the person who is assigned a label. When you meet someone, you should look at the person, not if he is gay, straight, transgender, or anything else, just the person. We have a superficial world that looks too much at looks before seeing the person inside the body. It doesn’t matter if you are beautiful or ugly as hell if what’s inside should count more than what you look like and what label should be attached to your person. Why is it so important that you give yourself a label or a label is given to you? Does that label tell the person about you? I hope not because this world is worse off than I thought if all we are is a bunch of people trying to fit in a label like string beans in a can. When I was a kid, I saw these two people walking down the street. They were gay, I assumed. I wondered why people can’t just love who they wanted, as they were not hurting anyone. I learned as I got older that labels are used as a way to hurt people, and labels are used to define people as a certain sexual being. Again, why do you need a label to describe your sexuality? If you’re transgender, great but I rather know the person inside that transgender body. I don’t care if you’re transgender because that’s not what drew you to me. It’s that person inside that body that I want to get to know and love. I’m just saying I would rather just know your name. This doesn’t just apply to gay people but straight people as well. I don’t care if you’re straight, I just want to know your name and get to know that person inside. We are all different inside, and that is what makes us special. If you were to put all the Anita’s in the world together, we would still be different because of the person inside: there is no need to label that Anita as straight or that Anita as gay, what is the point? I really hope one day that people will stop with the labeling because it’s a false way to define someone.  It would be so much better if we pulled off the labels and just looked at the person. Maybe that would make the world a better place. It might help with all this divisiveness that is going on. It might help people to truly understand the next person without making assumptions. It could put love in the world and get rid of some of the hatred we have for certain groups of labeled people. Please take the time to pull the label off and look at the person inside before you judge. The next time someone says I’m pansexual, ask them who are they really inside without the label.

Bullying Straight Up No Chaser


Think back to when you were a child, I bet there is a fair amount of people who were bullied. We seem to forget that bullying is nothing new. Bullying is about power, it’s about making the bully feel good as much as it’s about making the bullied child feel hopeless and worthless. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that in this age of technology bullying has so much power that it could make a child commit suicide. The computer is not the problem, the problem is that people hide behind a screen and feel entitled and empowered by this sort of protection to say whatever they will – their words are the real issue. I’m one of those who don’t believe it’s guns that kill people, rather it’s the person behind the gun that’s the problem. Growing up, when you were bullied you told your parents, you had a fight or you just hid behind the other children to stay out of sight. Now though, virtual words typed on a keyboard have so much strength that they make a child feel there is nothing else they can do but tie something around their neck and hang from the highest point they can get to. Have we birthed children that have no backbone? Have we neglected our duties as parents so much that we can’t see the signs? Are we not able to hear our children calling us for help? I believe that technology takes away the ability for children to learn how to socialize. These days, when you look at kids, even when they are in a group, their eyes are constantly on their phones so they don’t really socialize anymore. This new generation of kids take it as the norm to be isolated rather than to socialize and make friends with their peers.  

There must be signs that parents don’t see when their child gets to the point where they feel hopeless and alone in their fight. I imagine the signs are there but they are hidden behind a façade of happiness. Maybe they try to be happy. If they are introverted within their family circle, they all of a sudden become extroverted outside of it. A child who doesn’t talk much becomes loquacious, whereas a talker becomes suddenly quiet. There are always signs, but we are missing them because we are so wrapped up in our own lives. No-one can accept the fact that an adult has contributed to the death of their child. Nevertheless, it’s time us parents take some responsibility for sticking a phone or a tablet into our children’s hands as soon as they can hold them. It seems like phones and tablets have become the new pacifier, one that takes away some of the parental duties that kids need the most and which should come in the form of interaction. Interaction is very, very important for a child’s growth as it gives them the confidence to deal with all types of situations. Interaction is a confidence booster that the new generations lack more and more and this lack means that parents see their children but they do not really know them. The distance between parents and children is wide and when parents realize what is going on with their children it is too late. The children have buried themselves into so much grief that pulling them back out would require a miracle. Miracles do happen, but how often? Not too often.

I truly believe it’s our duty as parents to ensure that in the future technology loses some of the power it has gained so far. We must teach our children exactly what the power of words is. Children must be told of experiences that parents have had, so they know their folks can relate. Parents must find the time to interact with their children on a regularly basis and tell them they understand their challenges and are open to discussing them together. Is that going to be easy? No, it won’t be a simple task, but you have to keep trying. Children have to know their parents won’t be judgmental, but understanding, so they can try to find a solution together. It’s easy to take away their computers or monitor the time they spend online, but that doesn’t mean they will get enough attention from you. Where is the interaction? Parents, you must be ready to bare your soul to your child and keep trying over and over again. A child needs to feel all the attention they feel they aren’t getting from you. A example of what I’m talking about is when your child comes home from school and you ask “How was school?”. You don’t just settle for “Okay”, that is not good enough because what does that tell you? Nothing at all. It will take time and you will get frustrated, but you have to keep trying, without pushing too hard. Don’t give up. I just don’t want to read about another child taking their life over some words they found on a computer screen. Remember that bullying can only go as far as your child lets it and it’s really up to you to equip them with the tools to fight back.

Fibromyalgia Sucks

I am 62 years old and have had fibromyalgia for the last 20 years. Fibromyalgia is an autoimmune disease. When I was first diagnosed, I was told it wasn’t lupus and no other information except to see a rheumatologist. That was the beginning of a life I didn’t want. Then it was test after test and so many different medicines that it made my head spin. One day, about 15 years ago, I was out walking on my lunch break in New York and as I was walking, both of my feet started hurting. I mean, they hurt like I was walking on glass. I struggled to get back to my job. I went to see the rheumatologist and my pain was given a name: fibromyalgia. I was somewhat relieved because now maybe I could get a medicine that would help me. I was wrong. I now know that I was having a flareup, which made diagnosing it much easier. It was tired of being a medical experiment. The years went on. Sometimes I could take the 90 minute ride to work, but there were plenty of times that I couldn’t motivate myself to get out of bed. It was a daily struggle. I got married and there were many times we would have to cancel plans because I just couldn’t go. I stopped making plans. It was better to be spontaneous. Fibromyalgia doesn’t just affect you; it takes a toll on each person that is close to you. My spouse is understanding, but I still feel bad because she didn’t sign up for this, being in the house most of the time. It got to the point that I just didn’t have the energy to go commute any longer, so I retired. She retired two years later and we moved to Florida. I thought Florida would be better because the temperature stays constantly hot. I would have a flareup every time the seasons changed in New York, so Florida seemed like a good idea. Wrong move. I forgot about the humidity, so I’m still in the house most of the time. I can’t take the heat. She tells me it’s okay, but I feel even worse now because we are both retired and we can’t do the traveling we wanted to do when we retired. There is no cure for this disease, so the most I can hope for is what I have right now. I take things one day at a time. When I feel good, we get out and just enjoy being out. It’s wonderful.

Fibromyalgia is an autoimmune disease that causes widespread muscle pain and tenderness. There are other symptoms that are also associated with it such as fatigue, low energy, trouble sleeping, headaches, and tingling in your hands and feet. Fibromyalgia usually affects both sides of your body, such as both of your arms or feet. This is one of the ways I know it’s not lupus, which I was diagnosed with later. 

Treatment for fibromyalgia once it is diagnosed is hit and miss. There are drugs for the pain, such as hydrocodone. There is medical marijuana, which I now use. The doctors here in Florida try to wean you off of pain medicine, with the marijuana taking the place of dosages of the pain medicine. My problem with medical marijuana is sometimes the marijuana is good and sometimes it seems like I’m just throwing money away. Tai Chi is supposed to help because of the gentle movement on the body. I tried yoga once and was in bed for two weeks from all of the poses that I put my body in. I have tried going to the gym many times and each time I end up in bed with a bad flareup. A flareup is when the disease gets ahold of my body and beats it up. I still try to exercise though, but very slowly and I time myself so I can gradually work myself up to at least 30 minutes of cardio. I prefer exercising at home so I can shower and lay down right after without driving anyplace. The plus about exercising at home is that I don’t have to get dressed, so I can look any way I want.

Relationships are hard. I know how I feel when I can’t do something. It’s very frustrating. But for my spouse I feel worse. We haven’t been to any support groups, but now I feel we should. We both need support to understand the feelings we have when a flareup occurs, which as I’ve gotten older, is more frequent. It’s important that you and your partner sit down and talk about everything about this disease. It takes a lot of understanding and patience. Thankfully, she has shown both. It might not always be this way, but for now, I’m just happy that she loves me and takes up the slack when I can’t do my part. I sometimes get mad and lash out at her for no reason whatsoever except I mad at this disease and she’s here. She’s learned to just let me be and I calm down after a while.

You know how your body feels and never let a doctor tell you it’s nothing. Fibromyalgia is hard to diagnose, and after seeing doctor after doctor, you might start to think that what you are feeling is not real. I went through that in the beginning, with doctor after doctor and trying this medicine and that medicine. I started to wonder if I was losing my mind. There is a doctor out there that can help you. You can only do what you can do. Don’t push yourself because that only makes things worse. Be good to yourself.