Tick, Tick, Tick Time Flies


It is said that from the time you are born, your life ticks away to death. I was sitting here one day thinking how fast time seems to move; one minute I was in my twenties now I’m in my sixties. Where did all those years go? I’ve had some very good times and some very bad times. I really can’t say which outweighed the other. It really doesn’t matter because it’s gone and can never be gotten back. It’s true when you hear older people say, “If only I knew then what I know now.” I will attest to that because I would have done so many things differently. I’ve not always made good choices now that I can look back, however, I made the choices I thought was good at the time. What I’m learning as I’ve aged is you can’t change the past so let it go. Why hold onto it because it benefits nobody. Age brings a certain appreciation to situations, people, just everything you encounter. I thought I appreciated things I encountered when I was younger, was I ever so wrong? You have relationships that come and go and each is supposed to be a learning experience for the next relationship. That’s true, except I didn’t always take what I learned and apply it to the next one. When you’re young, you think you’re taking that knowledge and using it but that’s not always the case because sometimes I just didn’t know how. 

I appreciated things but I now that I’m older I realized I didn’t appreciate things at all. I just rolled with them. When you’re in your twenties and thirties you just want to have fun and be happy. I know that’s what I wanted to do. Then reality starts to settle in that the world really doesn’t care about you or me. I started to realize I have to figure things out because the clock is ticking. That’s when it starts to get scary. How much time do I have left? How much time do I have to appreciate the things around me?  When I finally came to my senses, I realized that I needed to learn to appreciate any and everything I encounter. I always told people I was the most least observant person around; I saw nothing. I wasn’t naïve just I didn’t see anything. Someone could ask me, “Did you see that person? Isn’t he/she cute?“ I wouldn’t have been paying attention. I was always in my own world. 

When my first grandson came is when I realized how much I’ve missed out on. It was time to grow up and act like I wanted to leave something behind. When grandson two and three came it was time to stop thinking about it and it was time for action. I wasn’t the greatest mom but neither the worst, however, I knew I could be a much better person than I had been. There’s always a trigger that makes you stop and say, “Enough is enough!” Everyone has that trigger, it’s just a matter of when it goes off. 

Now, I look at things and, instead of rushing through, I stop and look and try to understand things. I learned that it’s okay to take a break. Its okay to say, “I love you” without it feeling corny. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I’m sorry.” I want to leave my grandsons hopefully in a better place than I was in or their mother. I can’t do anything about the world that’s not in my control, but the things I can control I want them to be things they can be proud of. 

I’ve written some blogs about relationships because whatever your relationship, you have to recognize it for what it is. You don’t want to spend your life in a bad relationship, and thirty years from now with the clock ticking you wonder why you stayed. You can’t get those years back, so why lose them when you don’t have to? I hope my grandsons understand that nobody is perfect. If you want perfection, you will be alone. We all have flaws, though some will never admit it just like some will never grow up. You can’t be twenty for the rest of your life because the clock is ticking and you can’t stop age. I often hear age is just a number. That may be fine when you’re thirty but by time forty rolls around, your body starts reacting differently. You maybe can hide it from the outside world but you can’t hide it from yourself. It happened to me. 

If you’re young, enjoy being young. Have fun, but stop every now and then and appreciate the people and things that you encounter. It’s for your benefit as well as the people in your life.

Blogs.
I Thought I Knew You 
Marriage Is Complicated, If It’s Not You Have A Problem
A Liar Your Heart
Open Relationships Sound Good, But…
Cheaters A Dime A Dozen
Love After Being Cheated On
Breaking Up: A Heart and Mind Struggle
Dating After Cheating
Sex and Money; Vulnerable Conversations
Breaking Out After The Breakup
Surviving The Art of Cheating 
The Art of Cheating
Retirementanddogs.blog
UniqueThings.blog
Aninoids.wordpress.com – The Aninoids a children’s book coming this spring

I Thought I Knew You

“I thought I knew you” are words we’ve said to someone in our lives, whether they were a friend or a lover. There is a certain way we look at someone, and when that person does something out of character, it can throw your perception of that person off.

When we are children, we have two personalities: one for our parents and then there’s the personality that we have for our friends. When we get older, we adjust those personalities to different situations that we’re in. There’s the work personality, the friend personality and the one you show in a relationship. The people in our lives, no matter their role, see us through the personality that we bring into that situation. When we do something different, it makes them question whether they ever really knew us.

When we are in a relationship and the person we love suddenly goes from being a person we know to someone we no longer know, it makes us question whether we knew that person at all. It doesn’t have to be a relationship; it could be a friendship where we see a person that we know change into someone we don’t know.

When two people grow apart, we see that person as someone different than when we started the relationship/friendship. The change can be subtle, or it may be dramatic, but it makes us question whether what we knew of that person was real.

People change for different reasons and it’s possible that all reasons are not meant to be hurtful. When someone close to us changes, it’s hard not to say something to make that person aware of what we’re seeing. It could be that person doesn’t realize he/she has changed. There could be that two different personalities aren’t being separated, but coming together. When you go to work and then go home, are you leaving your work personality at work or is it meshing with the home personality? You have a problem if you can’t separate personalities. You date someone that your friends tell you is no good for you because you’re changing is another example of how personalities can come together and not for the right reason.

Have you ever laid in bed with someone and thought, ‘I really don’t know this person.’ or ‘Who are you?’ You’re asking that question because the personality you were shown is not that same personality. All of this makes you wonder who is the real person; the one from before or the one now?

I am not saying that people should not grow because then we would be stagnant. I am saying that people change and the person you think you know might turn out to be someone you don’t know. I mean, do we really ever know somebody? We think we know the person but do we really know what someone is thinking.

We only know what someone shows and says. How do we know it’s the truth? When that person changes, it can be hard to accept the changes because you’re comfortable with the person you know. If you can’t adapt to the new person, whether in your opinion it’s good or bad, then the relationship/friendship will cause you to grow apart from that person. Then there’s the problem of you adapting: is that taking you from being the person you are? Sometimes, you have to let that person go.
You never know if the person that’s your friend, spouse or whatever relationship you might have will ever change. It’s hard to watch someone you’ve been close to for so long change into someone you don’t know, especially when there’s nothing you can do about it.

I thought I knew you, but I guess I was wrong.

Blogs

A Liar Your Heart

Marriage Is Complicated. If It’s Not, You Have A Problem

Open Relationship Sound Good, But…
Cheaters: A Dime A Dozen

Love After Being Cheated On

Breaking Up; A Heart and Mind Struggle

Dating After Cheating

Sex and Money: Vulnerable Conversations

Breaking Out After The Breakup


Surviving The Art of Cheating


The Art of Cheating

A Liar Your Heart


A liar can tell more lies than there is ice cream and all their lies are just as smooth and good. When you have a relationship and lies start to come into the relationship, the relationship is doomed. A relationship cannot survive if there are lies involved. While your heart will let you forgive, your mind won’t let you move forward. Lies take away trust and without trust you’re always questioning that person who lied. If not directly, then mentally. This happens no matter if you are a forgiving person or not. Your mind just won’t let you get past that you were lied to. It’s just the way people are built. The heart and mind don’t always align. 

There are all different types of lies from cheating lies to lies that make you feel grateful that you’ve been told the lie. Here’s a few: I have to work late (common lie); I’m hanging with my friends; I didn’t want to upset you; I did it for you; I’m playing games on my computer (3am in the morning); I’m talking to a family member. These also can be applied to messaging. Just because it’s written, it doesn’t mean it won’t hurt any less when you find out. A lie is a lie whether it’s verbal or written. It all boils down to the same thing, you’re involved with someone that isn’t honest.

Social media gives liars another avenue to cheat. I don’t blame social media, however, if there was no social media, would your partner/spouse have met that other person?  There is the person who lies but is horrible at it. The person lies, then you go on social media and find out the truth and when confronted the liar has no reason for the lie. This person goes with the person who lies just because the truth is too hard for him/her to confront. 

When you’re involved with a smooth and good liar it might take months and even years before you find out the truth. A liar is like a car salesman; very good at reading people and using words. There are signs along the way that your spouse/partner are lying but for some reason your heart chooses to let it slide. One lie usually snowballs to another and another. After that it becomes it’s own story. A liar has to keep it going or face getting caught. You have to question the first lie or you’re only going to get so caught up that you won’t know the truth because you’re so used to the lie. The liar gets caught and he/she forgets what the truth really is.

When you’re in a relationship of any kind the truth matters and it should matter to both of you. If one of you steps outside the relationship, rather than lie, you have to be honest. It’s not easy to confess to your wrongdoings but think about the other person. A lie only makes the events that come from lying harder to move on from. When you lie it will come out and the trust is gone. People make mistakes and sometimes you can get caught up in something and before you know it you’re lying to your spouse/partner. It’s not right but things can happen sometimes. If you love your partner/spouse then you have to come clean and communicate what happened. You can suggest counseling as an option. You have to be honest, I mean, sit the person down and open your heart; explain how you got caught up. I’m not saying this will be easy and definitely not saying that telling the truth will save your relationship. The ball is in the other person’s court as to whether he/she wants to continue the relationship. You can’t blame your partner/spouse if ending the relationship is what is decided. No one wins when you lie. There’s only unnecessary  heartache and pain to someone you claimed to love. If someone can come into your life and cause you to lie to your spouse/partner, then the relationship is over. The words just haven’t been said. Why lie just to prolong it?

If you both decide to continue the relationship, then know it won’t be easy. The liar will be doing any and everything to say he/she is sorry. Your heart will want you to forgive but your mind is harder to let it go. There will always be that slither of doubt about what you’re being told. Even 20 years later there will be something, not everything, but something said that will spring your mind into action and wonder if you’re being told the truth.

The next blog will be on marriage.

Blogs

Open Relationships Sound Good, But….
Cheaters A Dime Dozen
Love After Being Cheated On
Breaking Up: A Heart and Mind Struggle
Dating After Cheating
Sex and Money: Vulnerable Conversations
Breaking Out After the Breakup
Surviving The Art of Cheating
The Art of Cheating

Retirementsanddogs.blog

Unique things.blog